Category Archives: Sports

April 3, 2010 · 11:08 pm

Mascot Bracket claims top spot

Every year on Selection Sunday, I fill out a bracket based on my broad knowledge of college basketball.  I carefully select a few underdogs I feel like have a good change at making a run.  I pick one or two favorites that I think are ripe for an early exit.  I read some of the experts, and fill out my bracket in pencil.  I shape it carefully, with all of my skill and knowledge.

Then I fill out “The Mascot Bracket,” based solely on which mascot (or more accurately, which nickname) would win in a fight.  I have a pretty strict set of rules, and sometimes have to make some tough decisions.  This year I got some heat for picking a panther over a grizzlie, and admit I probably had that one wrong (grizzlies are flippin’ huge!).  This year the mascot bracket had the Vanderbilt Commodores winning it all.  It also had the Oklahoma State Cowboys advancing to the final four.  Both the Commodores and Cowboys lost in the first round.  It didn’t look good.

But now the dust has settled, and it turns out that the Mascot Bracket nailed the other side of the final four: Duke over West Virginia, and with only the national championship to be played, the Mascot Bracket has emerged victorious.

In a group of 30 participants in my yahoo public group, the Mascot Bracket finished first!  Ahead of Joe Lunardi, ahead of picking only the favorites, ahead of my own picks, ahead of Barack Obama, ahead of my three-year-old daughter, and ahead of all the other amatuer experts that filled out brackets in my group.

Final score:
1. Mascots 72 (84th percentile before the championship game)
2. Chalk 62
3. Obama 59
4. My daughter 58
5. Me and Joe Lunardi 53

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April 2, 2010 · 1:28 pm

Pastor Dawg: putting on the pads

Since January, I have embarked on an amazing and terrifying journey. I am 32 years old, last played football as a freshman in college, and am trying to make the Twin City Dawgs, a semi-professional football team that plays their home games in Chenoa.  To read more about his journey, you can read about my Glory Days, and about my first experience as Pastor Dawg.

I stand on the line. One man is next to me. He is my ally. There is another man behind us. He carries a ball, and wants to carry it for as long as possible. We are offense. Two men stand across from us. Another man stands behind them. Their job is to stop the man with the ball.

As I take my stance, there is little time to think. Little time to process what is about to happen. It is so incredibly simple. I am to launch myself at the man across from me. We are going to collide. Hard. There is about two seconds between when I put my hand down and when the whistle blows. I’m not even sure who stands across from me. He is big. I need to fire off, be quick. Explode. I haven’t done this in eleven years. I visualize quickly what I want to happen: We collide, I punch with both arms upward into his pads, using them as a lever. I am lower, and use that as an advantage to push him backwards. The man with the ball behind me goes by us untouched.

That’s not what happens. The whistle blows, I launch myself at him, but he steps a little to the side. I graze him as he skirts around me and tackles the man with the ball. Not exactly what I was hoping for.

It is someone else’s turn. I’m a little dismayed, but not defeated. It is my turn again, and quickly. I step into the line again. “Don’t make the same mistake,” I think. Fire off, but under control. Don’t lunge. He has to come to me too. The whistle blows. We collide. This time the collision is square. I stand him up. I try to drive him back, but he’s not going anywhere, so I try to wall him off to the outside. The man with the ball sees the direction I am turning my man, and he adjusts accordingly. He runs by untouched.

I win this one. I want to let out a whoop. I am too winded. It’s going to be my turn again in about 45 seconds.

My experience as a Twin City Dawg went to a new level yesterday. Tuesday was the first day with pads, but I had a stomach virus since Sunday night, and spent the previous 48 hours before practice in close proximity to a bathroom. Thursday night was my first practice withpads. It felt good. Really good. I got beat up, bruised, and scraped, but as I drove home I felt amazing. I filled in as a right tackle a lot, and got a lot of reps. My problem was I was a little too cautious. Cautious is a bad thing to be on a football field. Standing still is dangerous. Once when I wasn’t sure where to go I stood a little bit, and a running back ran into me pretty hard.

The other aspect of me playing football – the evangelical part – is also going well. It has opened doors to new relationships in places I would not have expected it. Like I said at the outset, I am not going around preaching to anyone. All I want to do while on the football team is build relationships. The guys know that I am a pastor. Most of them are starting to call me “Preacher.” In time, if someone asks me to pray – I’ll be happy to do so. If someone asks me about my church, I am happy to tell them. If someone asks me a question about faith, I’d be willing to listen. I hope all of my teammates would agree that I have not pushed myself as a “pastor” on anyone.

At a recent Christian youth retreat though, where the fact that I was a pastor was a given, the fact that I am playing football helped. I don’t want to get into the specifics of how it happened, but me playing football created common ground with some of the guys. We talked about football for awhile, which then lead to more serious questions. It lead to very helpful spiritual and practical discussion

When I started this, I had a few goals in mind, and all of them are looking good.
1. Don’t get hurt. So far, so good. I’ve been using our ice packs a lot more, but I’m still good.
2. Have some fun playing football. There is nothing better.
3. Get in better shape. I have lost some weight, and gained some strength.
4. Build relationships that may or may not lead to spiritual exchanges. Already started in surprising places.
5. Inspire others. Not sure, but I haven’t really told a lot of people yet either.

Twin City Dawgs Roster (Notice that I have the number of my favorite TE of all-time, prize for the one that guesses who it is)

Twin City Dawgs Schedule

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March 30, 2010 · 1:22 pm

Mascot Bracket: Final Four Update

The Mascot Bracket has come roaring back to life on the strength of Duke and West Virginia.  In my yahoo public group with 30 submissions, the Mascot Bracket is one of three that had two Final Four teams correct. Of the six brackets in this little contest, here are the standings:

1. Chalk, 62 points (62 possible)
2. Barack Obama, 59 (59 possible)
3. Mascot Bracket, 56 (72 possible)
4. My 3-year-old, 58 (74 possible)
5. Joe Lunardi, 53 (69 possible)
6. Fat Pastor, 53 (53 possible)

Possible scenarios:
Michigan St. beats Butler (Spartan would definately beat a bulldog), then my daughter will win with 74 points despite picking Montana to win the national championship

West Virginia beats Duke, Joe Lunardi will move up to either No. 1 or 2.

If Duke and Butler win, then the Mascot Bracket will be victorious, not only in this small pool, but in my whole yahoo group.

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March 22, 2010 · 11:56 am

Mascot Bracket Sweet 16 Update

To make a long story short, the Mascot Bracket has not done well – but it has had a few shining moments.

After Round One:

1. Barack Obama, 25 points
2. Chalk, 22
3. Joe Lunardi, 21
4. Fat Pastor, 19
5. My 3-year-old, 18
6. Mascots, 17

What made matters worse were the devastating losses of the Vanderbilt Commodores and the Oklahoma State Cowboys in the first round. The Mascots should have done better. I had the Cowboys winning the Midwest Region, but they lost to the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. ATLSpartan told me on the comments section that I should have gone with the Yellow Jackets because they are plural, and a swarm of yellow jackets would likely do a Cowboy in. I probably should have gone with the Ramblin’ Wreck, which would have little trouble running over the Cowboy.

I should have known that the Racer would trample the old Naval officer. All he has is a sword, and Vandy doesn't even use this logo anymore. Now it's just a V inside a star.

But what really hurt was Vanderbilt. I had the Commodores going all the way to the championship, but they fell to the Murray State Racers. I should have known that someone ranking that high in the Navy probably would not have seen combat in quite a few years. Plus, the logo shows that they only have a sword. A thuroughbred, with jockey, trampled the old sailor.

In the second round the Mascot Bracket had some redemption.  Of course a Jayhawk would lose to a panther.  It was also obvious that a Gael would dismember a Wildcat, especially this peekaboo wildcat.  After round two:

1. Obama, 43 points (Like his presidency, Obama’s picks started off fast, but are now going to suffer a slow demise.  He had Kansas going all the way, but Northern Iowa was his big Glenn Beck Tea-Bagging party).
2. Chalk, 38 points (102 possible)
3. The Fat Pastor, 37 points (145 possible – The Ohio State pick in the Final Four is looking good, and I’m kicking myself for changing my mind at the last minute with ‘Nova. I had Duke in the Final Four because I thought everybody hates Duke, so no one picks them, but I chickened out at the last minute).
4. Joe Lunardi, 33 points (89 possible. The inventor of the term Bracketology is going down, and he is going down hard. He had Wisconsin over Kentucky and Kansas winning it all).
5. Mascots, 32 points (80 possible. Having two teams in the final four go out in the first round makes it hard to win).

These five brackets are all in a free yahoo group that has 30 picks.  The Mascot Bracket is tied for 28th.  The only bracket below the mascots was filled out by my three-year-old, who picked Montana to win it all.  I should add that the leader of the group is my nephew.  He is two.

P.S. How overrated is the Big East?

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March 15, 2010 · 11:19 pm

The 2010 Mascot Bracket

It is bracket-time.  Here’s my second annual NCAA tournament picks based solely on which mascot would win in a fight.  I have made some changes after commenters pointed out two mistakes I made.  I entered  this bracket into a yahoo public group along with an expert, picking all the favorites, my three-year-old daughter’s picks, President Barack Obama’s picks, and my own actual picks.

There are a few rules to follow:

  1. Inanimate objects, e.g. colors and plants, always lose to animate objects.
  2. Predators beat non-predators and unarmed humans.
  3. Humans beat non-predators.
  4. Humans with weapons beat predators.
  5. Humans with weapons beat humans without weapons.
  6. Humans with superior weapons win.
  7. Supernatural beings and weather systems beat almost anyone.
  8. Ties go to the high seed.
  9. Prepositions lose to everything (see Hoyas vs. Bearcats)

MIDWEST

(1) Kansas Jayhawks def. (16) Lehigh Mountain Hawks.  I’m calling this one a tie.  They’re both hawks.  The higher seed wins.

(8) UNLV Runnin Rebels def. (9) Northern Iowa Panthers. Human with weapon beats a predator.  This looks like a clear Rule 4, but a Runnin Rebel has Civil War weaponry, and a Panther is a serious animal.  I think the Black Panther would love to take a shot at a confederate soldier, but I’m sticking with my rules.  If the Rebel could keep his distance (maybe by doing a lot of runnin), he could win.

(5) Michigan State Spartans def. (12) New Mexico State Aggies.  An Aggie might have a gun, but not necessarily.  Plus, have you seen 300?  Their sparkling abs would shock the poor farmers into submission.

(13) Houston Cougars def. (4) Maryland Terrapins.  The first upset of my bracket is not completely off-the-wall.

(6) Tennessee Volunteers def. (11) Sand Diego State Aztecs.  The Aztecs were bad asses, but volunteers in the war of 1812 would have had muskets.

(14) Ohio Bobcats def. (3) Georgetown Hoyas.  Another significant upset.  You might be asking yourself, “What’s a Hoya?”  Well, that is a question that Georgetown opponents have been chanting for decades.  Wikipedia gives us the answer – it appears to have come from a chant, “Roxa Hoya,” which is loosely translated from Latin to “such rocks.”  Hoya is basically Latin for “Such as.”  So, if you’re using that – I think we finally found the only mascot that would lose to the Orange or the Buckeyes – a preposition.  Yet, their mascot is a bulldog.  A bobcat is a pretty mean cat, and I think it would beat even a bulldog.

(10) Oklahoma State Cowboys def. (7) Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets.  The Cowboy wins unless he is allergic – but I cannot base this scientific endeavor on pure conjecture.  The Cowboy would squish the yellow jacket.

(15) UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos def. (2) Ohio State Buckeyes.  I thought that UC-Santa Barbara was known as the Banana Slugs, which would jeopardize their NCAA chances – unless they had the good fortune of going up against the Buckeyes.  A reader informed me that they were never the Slugs – that is UC Santa Cruz.  Even if they were the slugs, they would win over a plant. Since they are spanish-language Cowboys, it’s an easy upset pick.

Second Round: Rebels def. Jayhawks; Spartans def. Cougars; Volunteers def. Bobcats; Cowboys def. Gauchos, this is a tough one.  I’m not sure how I pick between an English-speaking Cowboy and a Spanish-speaking cowboy without looking like some border-patrolling, xenophobic a-hole.  I’ll take the higher seed.

Regional semifinals: Rebels def. Spartans, the glistening abs are no match a musket ball.  Cowboys def. Volunteers, Cowboys have superior weapons to soldiers in the War of 1812.

Regional Final: Okalahoma State Cowboys def. UNLV Runnin Rebels.

WEST

(16) Vermont Catamounts def. (1) Syracuse Orange.  Seriously, Syracuse kills me every year.  I don’t even know what a Catamount is, but if they move, they would beat the Orange. I’ll have to do some research before the second round.

(9) Florida State Seminoles def. (8) Gonzaga Bulldogs.  See Rule 4.

(12) UTEP Miners def. (5) Butler Bulldogs.  Bad day for bulldogs.  I’m counting the pick axe as a weapon.

(4) Vanderbilt Commodores def. (13) Murray State Racers.  The logo for the racers is a racehorse.   The Commodores gave us “Brick House,” which is a plus. They also gave us Nichole Richie, which is not such a plus.  Killing them softly with their song, Commodores win.  Commodores have swords.  Jockeys have whips.  This might be the excpetion to Rule 4, but I’m sticking with the human with a weapon over an animal.

(6) Xavier Musketeers def. (11) Minnesota Golden Gophers.  The Musketeers have an um, musket.  Gophers have buck teeth. Muskets win.

(3) Pittsburgh Panthers def. (14) Oakland Grizzlies.  This is one of the best contests of the first round.  I seriously am not sure who would win this fight.  My first thought was the Grizzly, but have you seen how big a panther is? I’m really not sure, so I’m cheating, and going with the higher seed.

(10) Florida Gators def. (7) BYU Cougars def.  This is another great contest of the first round.  Again, I’m not sure who would win.  The Cougar’s agility would come in handy, but I’m not sure it could do enough damage to the Gator, and one good bite is all it would take.  Plus, if the Gator could draw the Cougar into the water, it would be over.

(2) Kansas State Wildcats def. (15) North Texas Mean Green.  Even though North Texas uses a bird in their logo, they are still just a color. No matter how mean they claim to be, this is rule #1.

Second Round: Seminoles def. Catamounts, a Catamount is a wild cat; Commodores def. Miners, sword over pick axe; Musketeers def. Panthers, This seems like a textbook Rule 4.  A musketeer whould beat a panther, but muskets are not the most powerful and dependable of weapons.  This depends on the size ring we have.  If the Musketeer could keep his distance, he might win.  If this is close quarters, the panther would tear him apart.  That all being said, the musketeer would also have a sword, so I’m going with Musketeer; Gators def. Wildcats, the Gator just beat a Cougar.

Regional Semifinals: Commodores def. Seminoles, according to wikipedia, a Commodore was the highest rank in the US Navy until the Civil War, and today is the highest rank below Admiral.  Plus, the Seminoles lose points for racial insensitivity.  The NCAA shouldn’t even allow them in the tournament if they followed their own rules; Musketeers defeat Gators.

Regional Finals: Vanderbilt Commodores defeat Xavier Musketeers.

EAST

(16) E. Tennessee St. Buccaneers def. (1) Kentucky Wildcats.  I’m not happy about this, but Rule #4 strikes again.

(8) Texas Longhorns def. (9) Wake Forrest Demon Deacons.  I do not think Deacons – even Demon ones – generally pack weapons.  Longhorns, on the other hand are really big and strong and mean.

(5) Temple Owls def. (12) Cornell Big Red.  Rule #1.

(4) Wisconsin Badgers def. (13) Wooford Terriers.  This sort of depends on what kind of terrier you are using.  A rat terrier would be a snack for badger.  A bull terrier, on the other hand, would prove more interesting.  Unfortunately for Wofford, their mascot looks more like a Boston terrier.  Game, set, match for Wisconsin.

(6) Marquette Golden Eagles def. (11) Washington Huskies. Unless of course, the Golden Eagles are eagles made of gold, which would make them an inanimate object.  But in a fight between a gold-colored eagle and a huskie, I’ll take the eagle.  I just don’t see the Huskie being able to mount much of an offensive.

(14) Montana Grizzlies def. (3) New Mexico Lobos.  Another tough call, but I don’t think that the fact that the wolf is Spanish would help.

(7) Clemson Tigers def. (10) Missouri Tigers.  I’m picking the Tigers.  Rule #8.

(2) West Virginia Mountaineers def. (15) Morgan State Bears.  The third bear-type mascot in the field, and they go 1-2.  This time because of Rule #4.

Second Round: Buccaneers def. Longhorns, I’m really starting to not like this rule, according to this system, 16 seeded East Tennessee State is going to make a historic run; Badgers def. Owls; Grizzlies def. Eagles; Mountaineers def. Tigers.

Regional semifinals: Bucs def. Badgers; Mountaineers def. Grizzlies.

Regional Final: West Virginia Mountaineers def. East Tennessee State Buccaneers.

SOUTH

The original Blue Devils – French fighters during World War I

(1) Duke Blue Devils def. (16) Arkansas Pine Bluff Golden Lions.  The Blue Devil name came from a squadron fighting in France during World War I.  If the lion is made out of gold, it might be tough, but it might also be inanimate.  If it is just a gold-colored lion, it would be a dead-colored lion after that bulls-eye shooting Blue Devil on the left was done with it.

(8) California Bears def. (9) Louisville Cardinals.  This is one of the most one-sided contests of the first round.

(5) Texas AM Aggies def. (12) Utah St. Aggies.  This will be a popular 12 over 5 pick on many brackets – but not mine.  Rule #8 applies.

(4) Purdue Boilermakers def. (13) Siena Saints.  A Boilermaker has a great big hammer.  A saint has a Bible.  While the Bible can be a pretty destructive weapon in the wrong hands, I’m going with the Boilers.

(6) Notre Dame Fighting Irish def. (11) Old Dominion Monarchs.  Monarchs are not inherently armed, and they are generally not used to fighting for themselves.  Irish, on the other hand, are a people known for their large cans of whoop-ass.

This is a bearcat. Check out the size of those claws.

(3) Baylor Bears def. (14) Sam Houston State Bearkats.  A bearcat is also known as a binturong, which actually looks like a cross between a bear and a cat, and it looks like a badass. I would like to pick the binturong, but Bearkats lose on general principle for spelling Cat with a K.  Bears and Grizzlies finish 3-2 in the first round.

(10) St. Mary’s Gaels def. (7) Richmond Spiders.  A Gael is someone that is Gaelic, or Irish.  They step on the spider – even if it is a big bad one.

Robert Morris signed the Declaration of Independence, which is cool, but this would not help him in a deathmatch with a wildcat.

(2) Villanova Wildcats def. (15) Robert Morris Colonials. Colonials are not inherently armed. Their logo shows them armed only with a flag. Plus, Robert Morris was just a big fat banker that helped finance the Revolution.  He would be a nice meal for a wildcat.

Second Round: Blue Devils def. Bears; Boilermakers def. Aggies, this comes down to a hammer versus a shovel.  In actuality, both the Utah State Aggies and the Texas A&M Aggies use a dog for mascot, so Boilermaker advances either way.  Bears def. Irish, It would be great to see a drunken Irishman wrestle a bear.  Great in the same way it is great to see a traffic accident.  Gaels def. Wildcats, the Gaels win because they are depicted as some pretty fierce knight-like warriors with swords and armor.Regional semifinals: Devils def. Boilermakers, Gaels def. Bears.

Regional Final: Duke Blue Devils def. St Mary’s Gaels.

Final Four

Vandebilt Commodores def. Oklahoma State Cowboys and Duke Blue Devils defeat West Virginia Mountaineers.

Championship: Vanderbilt over Duke

A Commodore, as previously stated, is a high-ranking officer in the US Navy.  The Blue Devils were named for a French military unit in World War I.  I’m going with the Commodores because I love America.

NOTE: This year I’m going to enter this bracket into a few free online contests to see how I fare.

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March 6, 2010 · 12:23 am

A letter to Dick Vitale, clown prince of college basketball

Dick Vitale, in all his Dukie glory

Dear Dick,

Let me just say that at one time I was a big fan.  I loved your excitement.  I loved the exuberance you brought to broadcasting.  I loved the “Better get a TO, baby.”  I loved it when you shouted “Slam bam jam!”  But somewhere along the way, you went from being a broadcaster into a character.  I’m not sure when it happened, but you went from being a sincerely excited fan of college basketball that just happened to have a mic, and turned into a caricature of yourself.  You and John Madden actually have a lot in common in this regard.  Maybe it was the fame.  Maybe it was when ESPN and CBS turned March Madness into a billion dollar extravaganza.  I can’t pinpoint the moment you jumped the shark, but in my mind it coincides with the moment you became Duke’s press agent.

Everyone knows it.  You are a Duke shill.  Your devotion to all things ACC, and Duke in particular is nauseating.  I used to love Duke too.  I became a college basketball fan watching Johnny Dawkins against Pervis Ellison in the Final Four.  I remember watching Laettner’s shot in my basement.  I loved watching Bobby Hurley upset UNLV (though looking back now I believe a lot of the Duke love at the time was as much about race and culture as it was about basketball).  Duke is a great program.  There are a lot of Duke haters out there, and much of it is jealousy.  They have won a lot of games, been to a lot of Final Fours, and they seem to do it with class.  But your devotion to all things Coach K has reached its limit, and it became so clear in the last couple of weeks.

A few weeks ago Illinois upset Michigan State on their home floor.  The Spartans are the class of the Big Ten.  At the time they were ranked No. 5 in the nation.  Illinois was unranked, facing a difficult stretch of their schedule, and in desperate need of a signature win to help their NCAA tournament resume.  In addition to this, it was College Game Day’s game of the week. The Game Day crew had been there all day.  It was the first time that Game Day had been to Champaign.  So you and Digger and two other ACC guys had worked the students and fans into a lather since 9 a.m.  When the Illini won, the student section stormed the court to celebrate.

Was it necesarry?  Who cares?  It was fun.  It was exciting.  It was a big win for the Illini, and storming the court is something unique to college basketball.  It is a part of what makes college basketball special.  Yet you, the clown prince of college basketball, got on your high horse and admonished the Illini fans for celebrating too much.  Aren’t you the guy that has become a millionaire for over-the-top celebrations?  Your point was that the Illini were too good to celebrate beating Michigan State.  They should act like it was no big deal – even though your network was saying all day and all week that it was a huge deal.  The Illini fans should have shown more restraint.  OK, fine.  Illinois should expect to win at home.  I’ll give you that, Dickie V.

But then a couple of nights ago Maryland beat Duke.  Duke was ranked No. 4.  Maryland was ranked No. 23.  After the win, the student section stormed the court (they then went outside and rioted, literally).  Where was your admonishment?  Where was your righteous indignation?  Why shouldn’t Maryland show some restraint?  I didn’t watch the game, but I’m pretty sure you weren’t ripping the Terrapin fans – for doing the same thing as the Illini fans just a couple of weeks before.  What was the difference?  It was because in your eyes, beating Duke is something special. 

Apparantly, rushing the court is always justified when beating the great and mighty Blue Devils.  They have, after all, been to one Final Four and won one national championship since 2000.  But wait, that is the exact same resume Maryland has, and Maryland did it more recently then Duke.  And Michigan State has won one national championship and been to four Final Fours since 2000.  Yet somehow Maryland, a ranked team and probably a lock for the NCAA tournament, beating No. 4 Duke is cause for riotous celebration.  But when Illinois, an unranked bubble team,  rushes the court after beating No. 5 Michigan State, they should show restraint.

Come on, Dick.  We all know you are on Duke’s payroll.  We know that ESPN coddles the Big East and ACC, but this is ridiculous.  Next time you are about to start screaming about how great the Dukies are, maybe you should get a T.O., baby.

Sincerely,

The Fat Pastor

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January 24, 2010 · 7:49 am

Pastor Dawg

Over the last two days, after I finally decided to go to the “try-out” for the Twin City Dawgs, a semi-pro football team that plays in Chenoa (hoping they change it to Central Illinois Dawgs), I have been blown away by the outpouring of support and encouragement.  There were only three comments on this page, but I had over 30 comments on facebook and two phone calls.

Friends from high school, college, seminary, and a few churches, other pastors, and family have left comments.  There were so many words of encouragemnent,

“In addition to being in shape and being very smart and having football sense, you now have wisdom that only comes with age. You will be impressed yourself with what you can see and foreshadow in the game.  The icing on the cake is that you are a very inspiring person even without all the athletic gifts you will bring on Saturday. I predict you will be a blessing in many ways Saturday and that these will be among your glory days –and God’s (in your life and the team’s).”

Here was another that meant a lot to me:

“Others think of doing stuff like this. You are doing. I think the Springsteen song is also about those who have given up doing and are, as the song says, ‘sittin’ round talking about.’ “

As I was reading all of the comments this afternoon, I was brought to tears.  It was overwhelming to think of how many people were excited for me.  This is something I want to do for so many reasons.  I hadn’t thought of how many people would be excited for me too.  I have to admit though, as I shed some tears, some of themwere from pain. 

I am sore. 

Really sore.  Sarah asked me where I was sore, and I answered without hyperbole, “Only where I bend.”  After the try-out I was literally sore from head to toe.  I had a headache.  My lower back hurt. My abdomen hurt.  My hips hurt.  My knees hurt.  My ankles hurt.  And my big toe was throbbing.  Someone stepped on it, and now my toenail is a different color then it used to be.

Save for my toe, I have nothing that could be considered an “injury.”  There is nothing wrong with me that won’t get better with a hot tub and some ice packs.  And man, do I feel good.  The try-out went really well.  Here’s how it went:

First, we warmed up with running, stretching, and form running.  I noticed right away that there were basically three groups of guys.  There were about 10 big, classic linemen.  They were all taller, bigger, younger and (I hope) slower than me.  Then there were about 30 skilled guys.  They were all shorter, leaner, younger, and faster than me.  The third group were 3-4 scrubs.  I felt like I had no clear home in any of the groups, and was pretty sure that I was not group 3.

Then we broke into stations and did some athletic testing.  There was no strength test.  There was a 20-yard dash.  I was the slowest guy in my group, but I know I was not the slowest guy there.  Then there was a shuttle run, and I received a B grade (most of the guys got Cs, one guy in my group got an A).  The next drill was jumping over a tackling dummy.  I jumped over it 11 times in 10 seconds.  Other guys did it 9-13 times.  The last station was all footwork.  I was pretty good at that – not as good as the skill guys, but better than the other guy in the group that was my size.

At this point, I was pretty sore.  Then we took a break, so all of my loose muscles constricted like a brand new cotton t-shirt in the drier.  I texted my wife, brother and friend that had texted me earlier.  My brother responded with a text making fun of me for texting during practice.

After the break we divided into linemen and skill positions.  I did not know where to go.  In college during my first practice I told everyone that I was a tight end, and went with them the whole first day.  Then the next day the coach came to me and told me that I was a guard.  I don’t want to be a guard.  I want to be a tight end.  I also didn’t want the coach to pull me aside and say, “Hey fattie – you’re a guard!”

There were two QBs and about 20 guys that wanted to catch passes.  I was a little timid at first, but eventually got in line.  It was a simple one-on-one drill.  I lined up with a guy across from me.  I ran a ten-yard curl, turned and caught the ball. It was the only ball thrown to me.  I am glad I caught it.

Later, we went 11-on-11, which is pretty ridiculous without pads.  I was concentrating on just fitting in.  I took more initiative and stayed on the field.  I was one of three tight ends.  One of them is a stud.  He is probably the best athlete on the team and will probably play linebacker too.  So he won’t be able to take every snap as a TE.  The other TE was built very much like me.  He was in my group during agility drills.  He was faster on the sprint, but I did better in the agility drills.  He dropped a couple of balls.  I caught my one.  I’m not saying I’m better than him – without pads, its impossible to tell, but I held my own.

I left the try-out realizing that I could not only make the team.  Unless there are some other guys that I don’t know about, I could honestly compete for playing time.  The team plays a lot of double tight, which means I could be on the field quite a bit.  Its exciting to even think about.

I am nowhere near that point yet.  I haven’t even put on pads yet, and there is no way anyone can know about football until the pads go on.  For the next two months we will only practice on Saturday mornings in a gym, and I am missing the next two practices.  We go outside in March/April and then put on the pads.  Our first game isn’t until May.  The games are on Saturdays, and I cannot let this interfere with my responsibilities at church.  I think I’m sore now, just think how sore I’ll be in the middle of July when I don’t get home until 11 o’clock on Saturday night after playing a football game.  That Sunday morning will be interesting. 

Today I started something.  I don’t know how this story will end, but today I got out there and tried something new – something exciting – something that made me feel good.

Besides catching the pass, I had another highlight. I lined up directly across a guy that is one of the team captains.  A real athlete.  After the play, which was uneventful (though I was open), he gave  me five and said, “Dude, you are terrifying.”  I smiled.  I generally don’t aim to be terrifying, but today, it was the highest of praise.

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January 22, 2010 · 9:53 am

Glory Days

I have had a Bruce Springsteen song stuck in my head for a few days.  “Glory Days,” has always been one of my favorite Springsteen songs.  I like it because it so brilliantly combines an upbeat melody with melancholy, almost tragic lyrics.  Like “Born in the USA,” which is often misunderstood to be a hyper-patriotic anthem (see Wrangler commercials and Ronald Reagan), “Glory Days” is often misunderstood to be a happy song waxing nostalgic about good memories.

Instead, it is a biting look at people that are unable to escape their past.  It is about sad people unable to accept their current condition, but waste away pining about their “Glory Days.”

I guess I’ve been thinking about that song because I don’t want it to be about me.  I’ve been working out for the last few months, and I’ve gotten myself into pretty good shape.  I am now stronger than I’ve ever been in my life.  I can bench press 225 pounds 10 times. I can leg press 500 pounds 10 times.  I am still fat, but underneath I can feel and see muscle that had sort of gone away for awhile.  In addition to getting stronger, I have lowered my cholesterol into the safe zone for the first time in years.  My first motivator to get back to the gym was to be healthier, but there has been another motivator in the back of my mind. 

I want to play football again.

Real football.  Should pads and helmets football.  I want to play for the Twin City Dawgs, a semi-pro football team that plays a ten game schedule over the summer in Chenoa and other cities in Illinois.  Last year I was in the press box, doing the PA or doing the scoreboard.  Next year I want to be on the field.

Maybe its a midlife crisis a few years ahead of schedule.  If so, there are certainly worse things that I could do, yet I’m terrified that I’m going to be that guy in the song, “telling boring stories about my glory days.” 

Yet here’s the thing: I never had any glory days.  My glory days were taken from me by an assistant coach that didn’t believe in me.  I didn’t start my senior year in high school.  If it was because I wasn’t as good as the guy that did start, it wouldn’t bother me, but I’ve never believed that.  So I’m preparing 15 years later to embark on a journey that could endanger my very livelihood. Maybe I’m not the one talking about my glory days.  Maybe I’m searching for them.  I know that is not a good reason to endanger myself in a violent, dangerous game.

I also know that I want to be a part of the team.  I want to be a positive influence in the lives of the 50 young men on the team.  I am not going in to convert anybody, but I want to expand my mission field, and reach people that might never otherwise approach a church.  I want to inspire people at my church, especially the young people, to reach for goals that seem impossible.  And yes, I want to prove to myself that I can do it. Is that really such a bad thing?

The try-out is Saturday. I talked to the coach today. There won’t be any pads.  We’ll do some agility and speed testing.  We’ll do break into positions, and we’ll do some 7-on-7.  I am going to see where I fit.  I’m going to talk to the coach, my wife, and my health insurance company, and figure out what I can contribute.

I have no business being on a football team, and I know that.  I might, however, contribute something to the team anyway.  I might contribute something to a young man searching for God.  I might contribute something to the community of Chenoa.  I might contribute something to someone wondering if they can achieve something they have no business achieving.

I’m going to give it a shot.  Say a prayer for me.  I’ll need it.

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October 29, 2009 · 9:21 am

Phillies Phanatic

Last year at about this time I wrote about Why I love the Phillies.  They were playing in game four of the World Series.  A few days later I was wiping the tears from my eyes with my daughter in my arms as I heard Harry Kalas make the call, “The Philadelphia Phillies are the World Champions of baseball!”

Today I am watching the Phillies.  Amazingly, they are back in the World Series. They have a chance at going down in history as one of the greatest teams ever.  It feels strange.  I spent the first 32 years of my life in perpetual disappointment with the Phillies.  Until last year my most vivid memory watching the Phillies was watching Joe Carter round the bases after ripping my heart out.  That all changed last year. Until last year I was a fan of a team that was best known for the record 10,000 losses.  Until last year I could never be accused of being a fair-weather fan. 

This year I am the fan with the confidence of being the defending World Series champions.  Last year I agonized over every pitch. I raged at every close call that went to the Rays, and held my breath everytime the Phillies had someone in scoring position.  Last year I was the fan of a team no one wanted to win because everyone was so enamored of the Cinderella Rays.  This year I am the fan of the team that everyone is pulling for because everyone hates the Yankees.

A lot can change in a year.  I’m hoping one thing doesn’t.

 

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September 30, 2009 · 7:36 am

Chicago 2016

image_chicago2016logo1I am not an economist.  I am not a political scientist.  I am not a resident of Chicago.

For these reasons, and for many more, I am totally unqualified for having a logical reason to support Chicago’s bid for the 2016 Olympics.  So I won’t try to offer one.

I support the bid.

The only argument I can make with any authenticity is this.  It would be freakin’ sweet.  Having the Olympics in Chicago would probably pad the pockets of a lot of rich and unscrupulous people. It would be a feather in the cap of the Daley Machine.  It would cripple regular commerce for two weeks, and make getting around the city a nightmare.

It would also be the single coolest thing to ever happen in my lifetime.  The closest I have ever been to the Olympics was when the torch relay passed through Saint Louis in 2004.  There were a few hundred people lining the streets of Webster Groves to watch someone holding a big candle jog by.  It was awesome.

The prospect of being able to go to an Olympic event – any event – is so exciting to me.  I love the Olympics.  When the Summer Games are on TV I try to watch as much as humanly possible.  I love all the events, but especially the small-ticket events like table tennis and badminton.

In 2016 my daughter will be nine years old, and to take her to a gymnastics event or a women’s basketball game would be so amazing.  I would love to see a medal presentation.  Just to watch as some athlete is given that medal, to stand as their nation’s flag is raised would give me so much joy.

In a couple of days the IOC will make their decision.  A few months ago Chicago was in third place.  As far as I’m concerned, Chicago is not third place in anything.  Recently my wife and I were strolling Michigan Avenue on a fall evening.  All I could think of was, “This has got to be the most beautiful city in the world.  How cool would it be for the whole world to know it.”

So yes, I support the bid.  You may not, and you can quote all the figures from past Olympics that finished in the red.  You can warn me about the politicos, and maybe even mafia connections that will profit.  You can make logical, fiscally responsible argument.  You won’t convince me.

My apologies to Carl Sandburg, but:

They tell me Chicago is wicked, and I will believe them.
They tell me Chicago is crooked and I answer, “Yes.”
They tell me Chicago is brutal, and my reply is, I have seen it.
And having answered so I turn once more to those who
sneer at this my city, and I give them back the sneer
and say to them:
Come and show me another city with lifted head singing
so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and cunning.
Flinging magnetic curses amid the toil of piling job on
job, here is a tall bold slugger set vivid against the
little soft cities.

I love Chicago, and I’m hoping to show those that sneer at this my city, that an Olympics in 2016 would be the coolest thing to happen in my lifetime.

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