June 8, 2009 · 11:39 pm

Hii does. Do Wii?

 

Do we really?

Do we really?

Last week at annual conference I bought a shirt that read, “Hii welcomes all of His children.”  Next to those words was a picture of Jesus that looked like a Nintendo Wii character (or Mii).  Underneath, in smaller letters were the words, “Illinois Great Rivers Conference of the United Methodist Church.”

 

Annual Conferences of the UMC have been gathering over the last few weeks.  All of the conferences will be voting on a set of amendments to the UMC’s constitution.  These were amendments that were passed by the General Conference last summer, and now have to be ratified by a 2/3 majority of all the annual conference members.  Last week our conference voted on these amendments, and the results of one in particular really saddened me.  This is the amendment:

 

On May 1, 2008, at a session of the General Conference of The United Methodist Church held in Fort Worth, Texas, the following Constitutional Amendment was made by a recorded vote of 558 Yes, 276 No. It is now presented to the Annual Conferences for vote.
In the 2004 Book of Discipline, Division One, ¶ 4, Article IV, (2008 Book of Discipline, Division One, ¶ 4, Article IV)) amend by deletion and addition as follows:
After “worth” add “and that we are in ministry to all” and after “persons” delete “without regard to race, color, national origin, status or economic condition” and after “sacraments,” add “and” and after “members” delete “, and” and insert a period and add “All persons,” and after “faith” add “and relationship in Jesus Christ, shall be eligible to” and after “body” delete “of the Church because of race, color, national origin, status or economic condition”.
If voted and so declared by the Council of Bishops, ¶ 4 (¶ 4) would read:
Inclusiveness of the Church — The United Methodist Church is a part of the church universal, which is one Body in Christ. The United Methodist Church acknowledges that all persons are of sacred worth and that we are in ministry to all. All persons shall be eligible to attend its worship services, participate in its programs, receive the sacraments, and upon baptism be admitted as baptized members. All persons, upon taking vows declaring the Christian faith and relationship in Jesus Christ, shall be eligible to become professing members in any local church in the connection. In the United Methodist Church no conference or other organizational unit of the Church shall be structured so as to exclude any member or any constituent body.

On May 1, 2008, at a session of the General Conference of The United Methodist Church held in Fort Worth, Texas, the following Constitutional Amendment was made by a recorded vote of 558 Yes, 276 No. It is now presented to the Annual Conferences for vote.

In the 2004 Book of Discipline, Division One, ¶ 4, Article IV, (2008 Book of Discipline, Division One, ¶ 4, Article IV)) amend by deletion and addition as follows:

After “worth” add “and that we are in ministry to all” and after “persons” delete “without regard to race, color, national origin, status or economic condition” and after “sacraments,” add “and” and after “members” delete “, and” and insert a period and add “All persons,” and after “faith” add “and relationship in Jesus Christ, shall be eligible to” and after “body” delete “of the Church because of race, color, national origin, status or economic condition”.

If voted and so declared by the Council of Bishops, ¶ 4 (¶ 4) would read:

Inclusiveness of the Church — The United Methodist Church is a part of the church universal, which is one Body in Christ. The United Methodist Church acknowledges that all persons are of sacred worth and that we are in ministry to all. All persons shall be eligible to attend its worship services, participate in its programs, receive the sacraments, and upon baptism be admitted as baptized members. All persons, upon taking vows declaring the Christian faith and relationship in Jesus Christ, shall be eligible to become professing members in any local church in the connection. In the United Methodist Church no conference or other organizational unit of the Church shall be structured so as to exclude any member or any constituent body.

The amendment, put briefly would make it clear that all persons are welcomed into membership of the United Methodist Church.  There were many arguments against this amendment.  The one that made the least sense was the argument that this amendment would force Pastors into allowing anyone into membership without any standards.  At first, I was torn on this amendment because of this issue, but after re-reading I saw the word “eligible.”  This is not a mandate compelling churches to include anyone that wants to join. 

There are a lot of smoke-screen arguments against this amendment, but the only viable reason anyone would vote against it is that they don’t want a gay person sitting next to them in church.   

I thought that this would be the line that people wouldn’t cross.  I thought this was the dividing point between the moderate majority and the extremes.  I understand that people are divided on issues of pastoral authority and marriage.  But I also thought that keeping people out of churches was going to be too far.  

I believed that the moderate majority would rise and say, “we are a welcoming church.”  I thought that people could get beyond the fear-mongering and the politics and the polarization and say, “We have open hearts, open doors, and open minds.”  This amendment wasn’t about homosexual marriage.  It was not about homosexuals in the pulpit.  Really, it wasn’t about homosexuality at all.  It was about a church standing up and saying simply, “We welcome ALL.”  I really thought that the conference I love was going to vote to approve this amendment.

By a vote of 51%-46%, I was proven wrong.

Hii welcomes all of His children.  Apparently Wii don’t.

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June 3, 2009 · 3:04 am

300 pound metrosexual

I had my face waxed today.  Does that make me a metrosexual?  I know it sounds weird, but I hate shaving the long dark hairs high up on my cheek.  I don’t want to have a beard below my eyes.  Plucking them should be on the UN’s list of outlawed torture techniques.  Today when I got my haircut I asked Anne to wax my face (actually my wife did, because I was too chicken).  Waxing hurts, but not that bad.  More importantly, it worked.  

The only problem is that my hairs were particularly stubborn (I don’t know if I should be proud of that or not), so she had to do it like 11 times on the same spot.  I have some skin left on my cheek, but not much.  

I’m not sure why I’m sharing this, I just thought the image of the Fat Pastor getting his face waxed might strike someone as funny.  I might be the first 300 pound man to wax something other than his thicket of chest hair on some kind of dare.

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June 2, 2009 · 2:04 am

Gone fishin’

There are two ways that a church can do evangelism.   Jesus told his disciples that they would no longer be fishermen, but instead that they would fish for men.  I don’t know a lot about fishing, but I think there are basically two ways to fish.

One is put out a net and kind of float along, hoping that some fish swim in.  The other is to set some bait, cast out a rod, and try to attract them to come.  Both probably work when it comes to fishing.

Most churches today are doing evangelism like the first kind of fishing.  They are floating along with a net out, hoping that some fish come along.  Fewer churches are out there, going where the fish are, setting hooks and actively doing some fishing.

Immediately after Jesus died, the disciples gathered in the upper room and locked the door.  Even after they encountered the risen Christ, they were not quick to go out and start making more disciples.  At Pentecost the Spirit empowered them to go out and really start fishing.

Churches have a lovely language.  It is full of words like grace, forgiveness, love, redemption, resurrection, and invitation.  Many good churches have been happy floating around, getting ready for people to wander in.  When someone does come in, they are quick with the church-language.  They offer grace, forgiveness, love, redemption and resurrection.  If a church does this much, they are probably ahead of the game from most churches that are wrapped up in judgment, scorn, cliques, customs and status.

These good churches that are floating around, dragging their nets are going to catch some fish every now and then, probably just enough to survive, and not enough to really affect change in the world.

Pentecost churches have taken up the disciples’ call.  They go out and are actively searching for those that do not speak their language.  They are empowered by the Spirit to learn new ways of doing things, and bait their hook with mission and service.  They are catching some fish, making disciples, and changing the world.

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May 26, 2009 · 5:07 am

Memorial Day

Many people use the term Bible-believing as code for conservative, evangelical Christian.  I do not consider myself to be conservative.  I believe that the term evangelical Christian should be redundant (not a political affiliation), and I believe in the Bible.

That is why on this day, as I think about those that have lost their life in wars, I turn to the Bible.  A woman at church on Sunday told me that Memorial Day is a tough day for her, because she had seven brothers and uncles that went away to World War II, and “not all of them came back.”  My heart breaks for this 92 year-old woman who, after all these years, still feels the pain of war.

This morning when I hung my flag out in memory of those that have died, those that have given up more than I have dared risk, those men and women of every creed, race, and background, I said a simple prayer: “No more.”  It is a prayer that will not be answered today.

We live in a broken world.  We live in a world where the ambitions and greed of a few can cost the lives of thousands.  We live in a world where sons and daughters leave home to defend their loved ones, and often do not return.

Still, I believe.  I believe not in the Bible as an idol that can be used to swat away ideas and new ways of thinking.  I believe in the words of the Bible, powerful words like these:

He shall judge between the nations,
and shall arbitrate for many peoples;
they shall beat their swords into ploughshares,
and their spears into pruning-hooks;
nation shall not lift up sword against nation,
neither shall they learn war any more

(Isaiah 2:4)

The world will be healed.  It might not happen in my lifetime, but I believe in the words of the Bible, and I believe in the power of God to heal all things.  Until then, I hang my flag with pride.  Not because we live in a country that is perfect, but because we live in a country full of brave men and women that want to do and be better.  Until it is healed, I hang my head.  Not out of sorrow or despair, but in humility and prayer to a God that keeps promises.

I believe in the Bible.  I believe in this country.  I believe in humanity that was created in the image of God.

To those that have served, I humbly thank you.

I close with this small prayer, “No more.”

Another post about Memorial Day called “Sometimes ‘Thank you’ seems inadequate.”

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May 25, 2009 · 3:24 am

Go into the world

People say that words can’t change things.  I disagree.  Words can inspire.  Words can unite.  Words can make someone stop and think, and sometimes that can change the world.  I believe that the words of Minor Myers Jr. have changed me.  It is graduation season, and every year at this time I think of the words that he shared at my graduation.

Minor Myers was the President of Illinois Wesleyan University.  He was the heart of the university, the classic Renaissance Man, and the example of what a liberal arts education is all about.  His two most distinctive features were his hair and his eyes.  The former always appeared to have recently emerged from a wind tunnel and the latter looked like he was about to wink at you with a shared secret joke.  As the President of the University, he gave the final address at graduation.  The conclusion of his remarks each year were the same.  He would look out at the graduating class and wonder.  I paraphrase: Who will startup the first successful company?  Who will discover a new medical procedure?  Who will write the first best selling book or win the first arts award?  As he looked out at the 500 or so young people that were ready to go out into the world, he would close with these words:

Go into the world and do well.  But more importantly, go into the world and do good.” (Dr. Minor Myers, Jr.)

His words captured me the first time I heard them, and I have thought of those words at every graduation I have been to since.  In fact, I have thought of those words many times in my life.  It’s hard to say if those words changed my life.  I probably would have ended up a pastor, trying with all my heart to do good, even if it weren’t for his words.  But maybe not.

As I sat in the quad in my deep green robe, I was wondering the same thing he was wondering.  The world was open to me, and I was going out into it.  I was hoping to do well.  I’m not sure if I was thinking about doing good.  Here I am, ten years later (has it really been ten years?) and his words have stayed with me.  I don’t know if his words changed me, but they certainly helped form me, and when I shared them in my sermon this morning, I hope they formed someone else too.

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May 24, 2009 · 10:53 am

315

It is time to rename this blog.  I started out shocked by the fact that I tipped the scales at 305, and dubbed myself the “Fat Pastor.”  Today, on my third trip to the gym since Christmas, I took everything out of my pockets, got back on that scale, held my breath and found out that I now weigh 315.  It is ridiculous.  I am now “The Fatter Pastor.”

For the last five months I have had an abundance of excuses for not exercising.  Some of them have been valid, some not so much.  The bottom line is, today I am just under six foot two inches tall and I weigh 315 pounds.  My resting heartrate was 80 beats a minute today, and after doing three sets of 135 on the bench press, I was wiped.  All the progress I made six months ago is gone.  I would say that I am starting from scratch, but I think its actually worse.

None of my clothes fit – not even my wedding ring.  I carry my daughter upstairs to put her in bed, and I have to stop to catch my breath to say “good night.”

I’m disappointed with myself.  I’m frustrated.  And after a workout that six months ago I would have considered “light,” I am dead tired.  I have to go to bed, I’m not looking forward to heading up the stairs, and that is pathetic.

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May 14, 2009 · 9:31 am

Things that annoy me about Adam and Gokey

  1. In every song, Adam ends up screetching.
  2. Adam messed up the words to “One”
  3. In his interview Gokey said, “This is an amazing experience.  Its unlike no other.” (So, it is like other experiences?)
  4. During his second song on Tues., Adam was overpowered by his backup singers.
  5. While throwing out the first pitch at a Brewers game, Gokey took a crow-hop.

I’m just glad Gokey is gone.  But like I said before – he is going to make a LOT of money as a Christian artist, where he can sell his story all he wants, and Christian radio will eat it up.

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May 14, 2009 · 2:22 am

American Idol Final 3

I haven’t posted in about a month, and my first time back is about American Idol?  I know, its so superficial – but I don’t care.  I like this show.  I have watched almost every episode since the Underwood-Bice season.  This year, we have watched every episode with a careful and critical eye.

This is the first season I have really paid attention to how much the producers try to push their favorites.  I am sure it has gone on in the past, but the way they have pushed for Danny and Adam since the tryouts has been shameless.   It is so obvious that Adam is going to win it all, but here is my take on the final three:

  1. Adam Lambert:  He is the most seasoned performer.  He could be a star on broadway.  He would be great in some Andrew Lloyd Weber rock opera.  When he performed the Led Zeppelin song, he was great.  I have come to realize though, that he does a lot of screeching.  I hated the way he absolutely butchered “One.”  He changed the melody too much.  He screamed and screetched.  He changed a lyric.  It was awful.  But he will win.
  2. Kris Allen.  He is the most talented musician of the three, but he will probably be the least commercially successful.  He showed his versatility by playing both his piano and guitar on the show last night.  His second song was the best of the night.  What I like the most about him is that he has survived despite getting almost no pimping from the producers.  He was completely unknown and irrelevant at the beginning of the season.  He has emerged from his good-looks and talent.  He is my favorite.
  3. Danny Gokey.  The producers of the show pimped his story so ferociously that there was a little bit of backlash.  To me, he is smug and annoying and a decent singer.  He will make a lot of money and sell a LOT of albums as a Contemporary Christian atist.  If he doesn’t win the show, his first album will win many Dove awards.    

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April 14, 2009 · 9:43 am

That Ball’s Outta Here!

Harry Kalas died today.  Kalas was the voice of the Philadelphia Phillies and NFL Films for many years.  His voice has brought me to tears more times than I can count.  One the most memorable moments of my sporting life was watching the Phillies win the World Series last year, but it didn’t feel complete until I could hear Kalas call it.

Kalas’ voice was one of the most recognizable in sportscasting history.  He belongs near the top of the great generation of broadcasters that includes Vin Scully, Phil Rizzuto, Jack Buck, and Harry Caray.  I did not grow up listening to Kalas.  Growing up in Chicago made it difficult to get the Phildelphia radio station to listen to him, which made me cherish the times I could listen to him all the more.  I hope you enjoy this video, if for no other reason than to hear one of the greatest of all time practice the craft of sportscasting.

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April 8, 2009 · 4:52 am

Fixing the Skandal

A few weeks ago, my friend and colleague Will Deuel had a series of posts on his blog, “A Man Called Preach.”  His series of posts about the Skand-lous mission of the Board of Ordained Minstry created quite a whirlwind, including dozens of responses from well-wishers, sympathizers, and fellow probationary Elders rumbling along the ordination track.

As I think about our current Board of Ordained Ministry in the Illinois Great Rivers Conference, I concur with much of what Will had to say, especially in suggesting that it needs to be re-thought.  So I kept on thinking…

What if the Board of Ordained Ministry was perceived not so much as a board of gatekeepers, but as a team of mentors?

I can imagine a new kind of process, one that does not exist to weed out those that are deemed unworthy, but one that lifts up, empowers, and molds responsible Christian leaders.  I can imagine a team of mentors, prayerfully discerning the strengths and weaknesses of each candidate, shaping a process that meets them where they are.

Instead of treating us as “classes” that have set list of hurdles that must be leapt in order to reach the goal, the ordination process could be a time of spiritual guidance, discernment and empowerment.   Picture this:

A probationary elder, upon being comissioned, sits with a small group of pastors and lay people to examine the material that was presented.  They talk about the Bible study, the sermon, the written work, and Wesley’s historical questions.  They consider the work experience of the candidate, the education, and seminary evaluations.  Together, they create working goals related to different parts of ministry.  If a candidate has a gift of teaching and preaching, she is given resources to develop those gifts.  She is supported in going to preaching conferences (like the annual Festival of Homiletics, which I am dying to go, but have no means), and continuing education seminars.  She is not required to do redundant work that was taught in seminary and examined during the comissioning process.

The candidate struggles with administrative duties, so she is given a mentor – one not based solely on age and gender, but one that is suited to teach her the skills she needs.  During the first round of annual conference forms, she meets with her mentor a couple of times.  They meet again shortly after the annual report forms are filled out.  Throughout the year, the mentor and candidate meet several times to talk about administrative tasks.

The group decides that Clinical Pastoral Education is required of the candidate, but not necessarily for all.  She has some gifts of pastoral care, but could certainly refine her skills.  She is given financial support to enroll in a CPE program.  Her mentor and DS make sure that during the CPE internship, certified lay speakers relieve her from the pulpit two or three times so she doesn’t get overwhelmed by the duties of congregational leadership and her CPE internship.

There are Residence in Ministry Retreats.  They are intentionally about building the connection and meeting learning goals.  The residents meet the bishop, members of the cabinet, and some local pastors and lay leaders from around the conference.  At the retreats, practical ministry techniques and issures are mixed with things like spiritual gifts inventories and personality tests.  The candidates discuss their path toward ordination, about their struggles and their fears.  They are given time for their own prayer, study and reflection.

Each candidate is treated as an individual –  a whole person.  Ordination is a process of discernment and growth – not a series of hoops. 

Sounds nice, doesn’t it?  The question I have is, what’s keeping this from being a reality?

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